It’s 3am, and my seven-month-old baby boy is sleeping. I’m 38 years old and have a beautiful husband. I’ve travelled the world, have had life experiences good, bad, and ugly. I babysat when I was younger and was heavily involved with my niece’s upbringing.

Yet, nothing really prepared me for motherhood.

I grew up hearing that God will not give you more than you can handle. While I could recite it from memory, it didn’t really feel like I could handle it.

I wasn’t looking for cheap thrills and quick fixes—I needed some deep-down soul food. So, I found myself searching the scriptures and crying out, “God, I need your help!”

There, in those quiet moments, living off 3-4 hours of sleep, with stained clothes, messy hair, and tear-streaked cheeks, gazing at the most wonderful little face, I found myself recalling God’s promises on my life, such as Lamentations 3:22-23 – “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

I wish I could tell you that after reading those words, everything changed, and I didn’t struggle anymore, and God took away my challenges. But that’s not what happened.

What I needed in those moments was to know that God could see me, that He was aware of what I was going through. And while I felt forgotten by the world, He had not forgotten me. What I needed wasn’t rescue; I needed faithfulness. Just like my child didn’t need some special super-human display, he just needed me to be faithful in my efforts as a mother—and that is what I needed from my good Father: faithfulness to give me what I needed in each and every moment.

The Faithfulness That Carries Us

It was this hope that helped me talk back to the devil when he tried to steal my motherhood joy away. The exhaustion, the frustration, the doubts—they don’t define this season. Motherhood is hard, but it’s also sacred—a unique season where we can experience God’s steadfast love, mercy, and faithfulness in new and profound ways.

God reaches us on any and every level we are at, especially motherhood. When I felt worried and anxious, I remembered that God sees me, cares for me, and will provide what I need. I can rest from my fears and anxieties, handing them to Him. Just like so much of motherhood is rinse and repeat, when we find ourselves worrying again, we simply go back daily to God in prayer and dependence, surrendering ourselves and our situations to Him.

Motherhood: A Sacred Awakening

Motherhood has helped me wake up to myself and has also awakened my faith in God—believing more deeply in His word and seeing that in it, He has given us all that we need. And a little bit of coffee always helps too.

Happy Mother’s Day, you Warriors! Keep on keeping on and give it to God.

Article supplied with thanks to Rhema 99.7.

Feature image: Canva

Hey Mumma! This one’s for you – a heartfelt tribute of appreciation and recognition of your endless service and selfless sacrifice.

I know how often motherhood can feel like a whirlwind of sleepless nights, trying tantrums, and high expectations. But remember, “In the midst of it all, you are chosen, seen, and more than enough.” I pray these 8 simple truths remind you of that.

1 – You Are Chosen

God handpicked you to raise your child! It wasn’t random, it was intentional.

He saw something unique in you, something that made you the perfect fit for this role (and your child).

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison, especially in today’s world where we’re bombarded with images of seemingly perfect families. But here’s the beautiful truth: God didn’t compare you to anyone else when He chose you. He saw your heart, your strengths, your potential, and He knew that you were exactly what your child needed.

So remind yourself daily, “God chose me!” He saw all of your imperfections and still believed that you were the best person for the job. Embrace this truth in your relationships—with your child, your spouse, and with God Himself. Let it deepen your sense of purpose and strengthen your connection to those around you. You are not alone in this journey; you are chosen, loved, and supported every step of the way.

I love what 1 Peter 2:9-10 says, “But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.”

2 – You Are Seen

Feeling invisible or overlooked is a common experience for many mothers (I know I’ve felt this way too), especially when so much of your time and energy is devoted to nurturing others.

But just remember visibility doesn’t equal value in God’s economy.

God so often does His best work (in us and through us) in the secret places of our lives.

Author and mother Nicole Johnson recounts discovering this for herself the night her friend gave her a book on cathedrals. She began to realize that most people would never recall who built the many great cathedrals around the world. Yet, these builders literally sacrificed their lives and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

“It was almost as if she heard God whispering to her about her own journey of motherhood, “I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, no last-minute errand is too small for Me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become. But I see.”

When I choose to view myself as a great builder—instead of the invisible mum—I keep the right perspective.

In her blog, Nicole continues to share her story. The author of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals would ever be built in our lifetime because there were so few people willing to sacrifice themselves to that degree. I disagree.

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right—which is why we may feel invisible some days. But one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” – Genesis 16:3 (NIV)

3 – You’re Graced For This

Yes, you, with your doubts and fears, your imperfections and insecurities. You are uniquely equipped for this journey as a mother! And when you feel like you’re at the end of your rope, you’re at the beginning of His.

“But He answered me, “My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.” So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak, I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 (TPT)

And I know it doesn’t always feel like it, but good enough is actually enough! In fact, it seems to be a regular occurrence on this wild adventure called motherhood. We fall short of our own expectations but can pick ourselves up and fall forwards, stumbling all the way.

It’s in the messy, imperfect reality of motherhood that you unearth the profound beauty of extending grace to yourself and others, sincere apologies, deep breaths, and personal growth.

4 – What You Do Matters

I’m convinced that God’s purpose in our lives often looks pretty ordinary.

It’s the candid conversations we have with our kids that shape the way that they view themselves, others, and God. It’s the moments we apologise when we miss the mark that foster deeper trust and connection within the family unit. It’s the times that we pray as a family and see God answer our prayers supernaturally that the bonds of faith are reinforced.

Through everyday interactions, in the simplest of ways, we pass down essential values, impart meaningful perspectives, and equip our children with the tools they need to navigate life’s with confidence and compassion.

Romans 12:1 (MSG) puts it like this, “So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognise what He wants from you, and quickly respond to it.”

Embracing your purpose simply requires you to surrender what’s in your hand, right now. So, just like that verse says, take your everyday responsibilities, routines, and duties and give them to God. Because what may seem mundane becomes oh so magnificent when surrendered to Him!

5 – Your Time Is Never Wasted (It’s Invested)

May these words put courage in your bones and remind you of the profound privilege and opportunity you carry as a parent.

“Your most significant contribution to the Kingdom might not be a deed but rather the person you nurture.” – Andy Stanley

Nobody will have as great an impact on your child as you do! Be intentional. Teach them the Word. Show them how to worship. Call out the gifts and graces that you see on their life. Model faith. Repent regularly. Be present. Just like a seed takes time to bear fruit, what you sow into the life of your child may not be seen until years down the track, but keep nurturing the seed because one day there will be so much to show for it.

Research shows that these early years are vital for developing lifelong patterns of attachment, emotional regulation, and self-esteem, so never doubt the importance of your efforts. You’re helping to lay a strong foundation that will empower your child to leap into their future with confidence.

6 – Your Prayers Are Powerful

There’s something so powerful about the prayers of a faith-filled mother!

As James 5:16 affirms, “The heartfelt and persistent prayer of a righteous man (believer) can accomplish much [when put into action and made effective by God—it is dynamic and can have tremendous power].” So, don’t hold back—let your prayers flow freely! Continually speak forth God’s Word and promises over your family with unwavering faith and conviction.

Your prayers are not merely words; they are dynamic forces, empowered by the divine, capable of bringing life, hope, ane transformation in the lives of those you love. Keep pressing on, keep believing, and watch as your prayers shape destinies and move mountains.

7 – You’re More Than Enough (In God)

It’s so easy to feel inadequate or ill-equipped on this journey of motherhood. I know I have, many times. But, the truth is, you are enough. I am enough. Not on our own, but in Him. Because of Him. When we’re weak, He is strong. When you’re confused, He brings clarity. When we’re empty, He fills us up.

“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you, there is more of God and His rule.” – Matthew 5:3 (TPT)

Galatians 6:4-5 (MSG) says, “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.”

Stop looking at her, and just be you. Fix your eyes on what God says about you and all that He has called you to.

8 – You Can Walk In Peace

Amidst the whirlwind of motherhood, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and stretched thin, but take heart, for the Word of God offers us a promise of peace even in the midst of chaos.

1 Peter 5:7 (AMP) reassures us, “Casting all your cares (all your anxieties, all your worries, all your fears) upon Him, for He cares for you.”

This verse encapsulates the profound truth that God intimately knows and deeply cares for each one of us. Like a loving Father, He doesn’t want us to bear our burdens alone. Whatever weighs heavy on your heart today, surrender it to Him. His yoke is easy, His burden is light, and His shoulders are broader than yours. Trust in His unfailing love and find solace in His comforting presence, knowing that He tenderly watches over you with boundless compassion and care.

About the Author: About the author: Sabrina is a pastor and a psychologist who is dedicated to helping people experience wholeness and growth. Passionate about building healthy families, she spend her days raising kids, supporting clients, and creating resources that inspire freedom and hope.

Article supplied with thanks to Sabrina Peters.

Feature image: Photo by Hollie Santos on Unsplash 

Parenting comes with countless responsibilities. From being a driver to a doctor, an advisor to a school counsellor, parents wear many hats. But one role stands out as non-negotiable: being the gatekeeper.

“Parents, especially dads, need to step up and set boundaries,” said Pastor Joel Cheliah, a former kids pastor with nine years of experience. “It’s not an easy job, but it’s crucial.”

Joel shared that his journey into parenting was humbling. “I thought I knew everything about kids before I had them. I used to give advice to parents as a kids pastor. Then we had our first child who broke every rule and pushed every boundary,” he said with a laugh.

What Does It Mean to Be a Gatekeeper?

Joel drew inspiration from the book of Exodus, where parents were instructed to mark their homes with lamb’s blood as a boundary against harm. “As parents, we set the boundaries for what enters our homes,” Joel explained. “It doesn’t matter if you’re the fun dad or the cool dad. You still have a responsibility to protect your family.”

Challenges Dads Face

Being the gatekeeper isn’t always met with applause. “You’ll hear things like ‘I hate you’ or ‘Everyone else’s parents let them do it,’” Joel admitted. “But every parent hears that. It’s tough, but it’s your God-given authority, and your kids will thank you later.”

Joel reflected on his own children, now aged 21, 19, and 17. “They actually thank us now for the boundaries we set, especially when they see friends who struggled because their parents didn’t,” he said.

Practical Tips for Parents

For those wondering where to start, Joel offered practical advice. “We monitored the music our kids listened to. If they broke the rules, there were consequences,” he shared.

Phone usage was another area. “We checked their phones and didn’t allow phones in their rooms overnight when they were younger,” Joel said.

He also emphasised the importance of knowing your kids’ friends. “We encouraged friendships we approved of and made alternative plans when we weren’t comfortable,” he added.

Parenting is challenging, but being the gatekeeper is essential. As Joel put it, “You’ve got to protect the gate.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

Feature image: Canva Pro

For more than a decade, McCrindle has analysed the top baby names nationwide and compiled the top 100 list.

This analysis always reveals fascinating insights about not only the names given to babies, but how these become generational markers for the people born within a certain timeframe.

This year’s analysis is particularly important because we now have the entirety of Generation Alpha baby name data, enabling us to definitely call the top names of this generation.

Oliver and Charlotte top the list in 2025

Oliver has been crowned the top baby boy name, for the 12^th year in a row! In the time that Oliver has held the spot as the number one name for boys, the world has seen the of rise of TikTok and ChatGPT, a global pandemic, and the normalisation of remote work. The other nine names on the list of top ten boys’ names have stayed relatively consistent, with some minimal movement among the names.

The number one name for girls has swung back and forth between Charlotte and Isla in recent years, with Charlotte now back at number one with 1,330 occurrences over the last year. Charlotte has been the top rated girls’ name for ten years in total over the 15 years that spans Generation Alpha. This year, Lily and Ava have exited the top 10 and have been replaced by Sophie (which is back for the first time since 2015) and Grace, which is back from 2022.

Most popular names for Generation Alpha

Now that the entirety of Generation Alpha has been born (2010-2024), we know that Oliver and Charlotte are the top names across the generation. In fact, there are 30,818 Gen Alphas with the name Oliver and 24,256 Gen Alphas with the name Charlotte.

While some names have stayed consistent across the generation, others have risen and fallen. Theodore and Hazel are two of the names that have experienced incredible growth in popularity among Generation Alpha. Both names were ranked in the 90s in 2010 and have increased to a top 10 position today. Other names that have encountered similar growth in popularity across this generation include Athur, Arlo, Muhammad, Harvey, Hudson, Archer and Austin for boys, and Luna, Maeve, Florence, Aria, Billie, Millie, Elsie, Daisy, Eleanor, Mila, Evelyn, Harper and Ellie, for girls.

Top rising Gen Alpha names

Looking back over the last decade and a half, there are certain names that have made noticeable climbs up the ranks. The boys’ names that have experienced the biggest increase in rank (from a rank outside the top 100 to within the top 40 between 2010 and 2024) are Arthur (rising 302 ranks), Arlo (262 ranks), Theodore (253 ranks), Muhammad (174 ranks) and Harvey (90 ranks). Other notable boys’ names that have seen steady increases in popularity since 2010 include Hudson, Archer and Austin.

The names Theodore (now ranked #3) and Hudson (#7) are worth noting, as not only have they experienced these large rank increases, they now both rank in the top 10 boys’ names.

The girls’ names that have seen the biggest rise in rank include Luna (rising 811 ranks), Maeve (308 ranks), Florence (206 ranks), Aria (191 ranks) and Hazel (185 ranks).

The name Hazel is worth noting, as not only has it climbed 185 ranks to hold a spot within the top 40, but it currently sits in the top 10, at #6. Luna and Maeve are also worth noting as names that have rapidly increased, with Luna only entering the top 100 in 2017 and Maeve in 2020.

Other notable girls’ names that have seen steady increase in popularity since 2010 include Billie, Millie, Elsie, Daisy, Eleanor, Mila, Evelyn, Harper and Ellie.

Trends in boys’ and girls’ names

There are many trends we see occurring in the top 100 names:

• In true Aussie fashion, nicknames continue to be used as first names, with names like Leo (short for Leonardo), Billy (William), Frankie (Frances) and Lottie (Charlotte) becoming popular names of their own.
• Names ending in vowels are also popular, with 23 boys’ names and 70 girls’ names fitting this category.
• Aussie’s continue to draw inspiration from biblical names, royal names, and even pop culture influences.

Parents prefer unique names over popular/well known ones

Current/aspiring parents are gravitating more towards unique choices for first names, with 65% saying they would be more likely to choose a unique name, than a popular/well known one (35%). Those who are younger are more likely to choose a unique name compared to their older counterparts (83% Gen Z, 71% Gen Y, 60% Gen X, 43% Baby Boomers). And among those who have children and have been through the process of choosing a name, half (49%) say they agreed on a name with their partner immediately.

Middle names show a preference for tradition

NSW marked a baby name first in 2025, releasing the top ten middle names for babies born over the last year. Given that NSW accounts for around a third of all births in Australia, this list can be considered a strong indicator of middle name trends around the country. The list, featuring names like James, John, William, Michael, Robert, Rose, Grace, Mae, May and Jane shows that when it comes to middle names, parents tend to prefer traditional choices over trendy ones.

Parents of Gen Alpha inspired by Family Names

Choosing a name can be much more than deciding what’s on their child’s certificate at birth, but a meaningful social and cultural experience. Parents to Generation Alpha were asked what influenced them when choosing their child’s name. Three in ten indicated that a family name influenced them when choosing their child’s name (30%).

Names to watch for Gen Beta

With Generation Beta beginning to be born in 2025, we can now look at some of the fastest trending names that will likely take off among this generation. For girls, these include Millie, Maeve, Remi, Eden, Delilah, Eliana, Margot and Lottie, and for boys, include Beau, Theo, Ezra, Miles, Luke, Billy, Louie and Roman. Other names that have become more popular over last decade include Luna, Florence, Aria, Hazel, Arthur, Arlo, Theodore, Muhammad and Harvey. Alongside the rising names, others are sliding from the top 100. For girls, these include Jessica, Chelsea and Alyssa. For boys, these are Jake, Tyler and Matthew.

The entrances and exits from the top 100 also provide a glimpse into the naming preferences of new parents. New names to the top 100 include Grayson, Isaiah and Finley (boys) and Elodie, Amara and Lainey (girls). There are also some surprising exits of classic names such as Michael, Charles, Celo and Lara from the top 100 list.

2025 Baby Names Report

Get all the insights on the top baby names in the full report.

Download now

Article supplied with thanks to McCrindle. Feature image by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Weekly news reports of wars, natural disasters and violence, can cause great concern in children.

Adults can sometimes assume that teens are coping with the overload of media reported trauma – while quietly – they are imploding.
For many teens, their imaginations (fuelled by sometimes unreliable social media reported trauma and a constant stream of graphic images), can magnify the events to even greater levels of terror. Parents, teachers, grandparents and carers often become concerned about the emotional well-being of their children, and want advice on how to support their teens.

Signs Your Young Person Might be Struggling

Look out for a combination of some of the following:

• sleeping problems, including nightmares, struggling to fall asleep, waking up during the night (you may need to specifically ask about this).
• physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches or feeling ‘unwell’ in general.
• not wanting to go to school or attend usual activities (sports, family/social events, use of public transport.) This could come from a fear of leaving a family member should something happens while at school, or fear of something happening on public transport, or in a specific setting.
• regressive behaviour.
• changes in behaviour with teachers, carers, siblings and parents – becoming more withdrawn, tearful, aggressive or irritable than usual.
• drop in performance at school.

10 Tips for Helping Teens Process Media Reported Trauma

The following ten tips are based upon Save the Children‘s years of experience (as well as other resources), and can be used as a guide for adults supporting young people who are feeling impacted by bad news in the media. (Assistance for teens directly exposed to trauma is best sought from a professional).

The relevancy of different tips will vary depending upon a child’s temperament, previous experience, age and where he or she lives.

1 – Turn off the news!

Watching television reports or scrolling through images on social media may overwhelm tweens and teens. Overexposure to coverage of the events affects adults as well. Encourage screen limits, for a time, for both you and your teens. Process the information as you need to, but do your best to starve your news feed of the detailed stories, and begin again to focus on hope. This is not to ignore the facts, but to give our brains a break. We begin to struggle if we are over-exposed and in a constant state of ‘alarm’.

2 – Listen to your child carefully, before responding

Get a clear picture of what it is that they understand and what is leading to their questions. Emotional stress results, in part, when a young person cannot give meaning to dangerous experiences. Find out what he or she understands about what has happened. Their knowledge will be determined by their age and their previous exposure to negative events in the media. Begin a dialogue to help them gain a basic understanding that is appropriate for their age and respond to their underlying concerns. (Hint – very often an underlying concern can be for personal safety or the safety of loved ones. Teens can become quite fearful about the future and the state of their world).

3 – Give reassurance and ‘psychological first-aid’

Assure them about all that is being done to protect those directly affected by the crisis. Take this opportunity to let them know that if any emergency or crisis should occur, your primary concern will be their safety. Make sure they know they are being protected. Have two or three main steps you can verbalise, to indicate this.

4 – Expect the unexpected

Not every tween or teen will experience these events in the same way. As young people develop, their intellectual, physical and emotional capacities change. Younger children will depend largely on their parents to interpret events, while tweens and teens will get information from a variety of sources – which may not be as reliable.  Older teenagers, because of their greater capacity for understanding, may be more heavily affected by media reporting. While teenagers seem to have more adult capacities to recover as well, they still need extra love, understanding and support to process these events. So be aware that, for some, their more general heightened emotion, moodiness or withdrawal may be a result of what they are trying to process (often they won’t even realise this).

5 – Give your teen extra time and attention in age appropriate ways

Parents, don’t underestimate the power of your own nurturing. Teens, just like younger children, need your close, personal involvement to comprehend that they are safe and secure. Talk, kick a ball, journal, make a hot chocolate, offer a hug and, most importantly, listen to them. Find time to engage in special activities with your teen.

6 – Be a model for your teen

Young people will learn how to deal with these events by seeing how you deal with them. Base the amount of self-disclosure on the emotional and developmental level of each of your children. Explain your feelings but remember to do so calmly. Watch your own behaviour. Make a point of showing sensitivity toward different countries, cultures and people affected by the disaster. This is an opportunity to teach your children that we are all part of one world and that we all need to support each other.

7 – Help your teen return to normal activities

Young people almost always benefit from activity, routine and sociability. Ensure that your child’s school environment is also returning to normal patterns and not spending great amounts of time discussing a world crisis in unhelpful detail.

8 – Encourage your teen to do volunteer work (where possible)

Helping others can give your teen a sense of control, security and empathy. Indeed, in the midst of crisis, adolescents and youth can emerge as active agents of positive change. Perhaps you could encourage your teen to help support local charities that assist those in need.

9 – “Look for the helpers”

Despite the mass media attention to trauma and chaos, we need to remain mindful that there are often only a few evildoers involved in reprehensible incidents. Even in the face of natural disasters, the list of people willing to do good is long. We see every time: people lined up, ready to do anything to help. Point them out to your teens – the local neighbours bringing food and making donations, the kind bus driver comforting a grandma, the police officers, the fire fighters, the animal rescue workers, and so on.

10 – Keep an eye on teens with a history of anxiety / depression

Those with a history of mental health challenges can often be at increased risk when they see bad news in the media. These kids need a little extra patience and reassurance. Perhaps consider asking a school counsellor to chat with your child in the following weeks.

Caring for survivors and their loved ones

For young people directly affected by a crisis (as well as those who have loved ones directly impacted in another area/city), parents should consider counselling, not just for teens, but for the entire family.

Especially important to consider is that after a few weeks have gone by and the news moves on, onlookers tend to get on with their own lives and expect that those affected by the trauma ‘should be over it by now’. In fact, once the initial shock has passed and the reality has set in, it is at this time that nightmares, flashbacks and other symptoms of trauma can occur. This is the time to lean in and draw near to support those affected.

Teachers and parents should be alert to any significant changes in childrens’ eating habits, concentration, emotion/mood, sleeping patterns, nightmares or frequent physical complaints without apparent illness. If present, these will likely subside within a short time, but without appropriate support and care they can become prolonged. I strongly encourage you to seek psychological support and counselling.

Article supplied with thanks to Raising Teenagers

About the Author: Collett Smart is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker and internationally published author. She lives with her husband and 3 children in Sydney, Australia. The heart of Collett’s work is to support and bring Hope to parents of tweens and teens.

Feature image: Canva 

Part of my day job sees me lucky enough to spend time with teens. I have run media literacy seminars for students, in schools around the world, for a number of years now.

Whenever I ask a group of tween or teen boys what they think the main area of body focus is, for boys, they yell out, ‘A six-pack!’ (I’ve even heard 9-year-old boys talking about and trying to compare their six-packs.) This line is the same, whether I am in Zimbabwe, New Zealand, the USA or Australia.

When given the opportunity, a whole lot more gushes out. As if a sudden crack in the wall has given them freedom to leak what’s on their minds – “Boys have body image issues too!”

Our general silence on this leads our boys to believe they are the only ones worrying. Now, they’ve finally been given permission to talk about something they are struggling with. The words come – biceps, jawlines, athletic builds, calf muscles, a broad chest, the triangular body shape, not skinny, but not too muscular, not ‘this’, but ‘that’… The boys laugh out in relief, and nod along in agreement.

Body insecurity is not just limited to our girls

What boys worry about

Boys have body image issues and are more body conscious than we realise. This is not new, but unfortunately boys are far less likely to address their own body image concerns and are more likely to struggle alone. Because body image issues have long been thought of as ‘a girl thing’. Our boys also tend to laugh off criticism or make a joke to cover up painful comments about their bodies. They carry their hurt in secret.

Boys tend to worry about how muscular they are and whether they are too skinny. Yet, when questioned directly about this, boys admit that extreme exercise and dieting are issues for both genders. Us adults are slower to recognise this as a real concern for boys.

What Boys Believe to be ‘Good’ Bodies

A UK survey reported that although most boys say that looking good won’t lead to happiness, many still believe there is a ‘perfect’ body to strive for. For boys, ‘perfect’ means muscly, lean and athletic. Boys also tend to associate muscles with being masculine. The survey also found a general naiveté among boys about when they are being advertised to, particularly through non-traditional methods such as social media. Yet, apart from their friends, this is the source with the highest influence on how boys judge themselves. Social media influences how they dress and what it means to ‘look good’.

The most fascinating aspect, to me, is that although boys say they are aware that media changes images, they tend to believe that the media changes the way women look more than men. Boys are often shocked by how much the male image has been adjusted, when it is pointed out. Some boys acknowledge that the way the media portrays men is unrealistic and unhealthy, but still say it can be inspirational.

“In this day and age, boys are expected to look their best; there is increased societal pressure placed upon them … There has recently been more of an emerging market for items that were originally almost exclusively used by girls, for example cosmetics products, hair serums and sprays, hair straighteners and body hair shavers. There is some evidence that from as young as 4 years, the pressure is being felt by children too, as some are worried about eating too much causing them to ‘get fat’.

This idea is called ‘normative discontent’. Unfortunately, it is widely acknowledged and accepted that most women experience weight dissatisfaction. However normative discontent is now more pervasive for boys as well. This is considered to be due to the strong stereotypes of how people should look.”

Sarah McMahon, psychologist and director of Bodymatters Australasia

How Body Focus Affects Boys

A US study published in 2019 found that 22% of men aged 18-24 reported muscularity-oriented disordered eating. Paediatricians are now raising concerns over the increase in muscle-enhancing behaviours (steroid abuse, binge eating and exercise dependence) in boys in particular. Essentially, there seems to be a disconnect between the actual and desired body size/shape of boys (much like we see in some girls).

We now know that muscle dissatisfaction (in boys) is significantly associated with psychological issues, alcohol and drug use, lower height satisfaction, sedentary lifestyle, poor subjective physical fitness, and lower life satisfaction.

When Should I Be Concerned About Ay Son?

Muscle Dysmorphia (MD) is a type of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). It is often referred to as “Bigorexia” or “Reverse anorexia” in the media and consists of a preoccupation with not being muscular or lean ‘enough’.  Clinical eating disorders and MD are complex issues, with no single cause identified (and beyond the scope of this blog post). It often includes genetic vulnerabilities, psychological factors and socio-cultural influences (social media and traditional advertising are one aspect of this).

Bodymatters Australasia provides clinical guidelines on these.

In Supporting Our Sons, We Might:

1.   Think about how we comment on other people’s body shape, weight or size.

My number one rule: Don’t comment on other people’s bodies – no matter how much or little they have changed. Talk about people’s character.

2.   Notice how we comment on people in the media. Also, what is our own media diet like? e.g. Shows like Love Island celebrate bodies, outward appearances and hook ups as relationship markers. The objectification of men’s bodies is no different to the objectification and sexualisation of women’s. This is part of discussing media literacy to our boys.

3.   Talk to boys about their emotions. Be open about boys’ and men’s insecurities. Ask men in your son’s life to speak about male vulnerabilities, men’s mental health, expressing big emotions in healthy ways, demonstrating courage in non-brawny ways too, showing love…

4.   Notice (out loud) your son’s character – kindness to siblings / grandparents / strangers, courage when facing a difficult decision, helping around the house, apologies he makes. Notice what his body can DO, rather than how it looks. Notice his effort, team work and reaching his own Personal Best in sport / academics / art – not just his winning.

5.  Focus on activities that get them moving, and food that is nutritious (without banning certain foods). For healthy minds and bodies – not for muscle size or shape.

6.   Model body acceptance yourself. It might be time for parents to ask ourselves: How do I regard my own body? What does my child hear me say about my body? How do I talk about food and exercise in our home? When we model self-objectification boys quickly learn that only certain types of bodies are acceptable, and that appearance is what is most valued by their families.

7.   Connect with your son, in ways that are meaningful to him. Let him know he is both love-WORTHY and love-ABLE

8.   Use family gatherings like, meal times, traditions and holidays, to communicate a sense of family and belonging (even if he doesn’t want to talk).

9.   Engage the support of male mentors. Our boys need to be invited to participate in the lives of healthy men. Rites of passage programs (like The Rite Journey) also teach boys that growing up doesn’t just involve growing muscles and genitals. Growing up looks like growing in character.

10.   Encourage everyday activism. Stay in touch with what’s going on in your child’s world. Encourage teens to balance their social media feed by following positive role models, YouTubers and activist movements. Get involved with activist movements yourself. Like; Collective Shout, eChildhood, Beauty Redefined and International Justice Mission. Talk about the work they do, and explain to your sons why they are important in making changes to the body focused world we live in.

One Last Thought

EVERY body is valuable and important and worthy. Parents and adults, be gentle with yourselves. I know that many of us need to unlearn the destructive messages we were taught. As you support your son, learn to accept your own body in the process.

Article supplied with thanks to Raising Teenagers

About the Author: Collett Smart is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker and internationally published author. She lives with her husband and 3 children in Sydney, Australia. The heart of Collett’s work is to support and bring Hope to parents of tweens and teens.

Feature image: Canva