Weekly news reports of wars, natural disasters and violence, can cause great concern in children.

Adults can sometimes assume that teens are coping with the overload of media reported trauma – while quietly – they are imploding.
For many teens, their imaginations (fuelled by sometimes unreliable social media reported trauma and a constant stream of graphic images), can magnify the events to even greater levels of terror. Parents, teachers, grandparents and carers often become concerned about the emotional well-being of their children, and want advice on how to support their teens.

Signs Your Young Person Might be Struggling

Look out for a combination of some of the following:

• sleeping problems, including nightmares, struggling to fall asleep, waking up during the night (you may need to specifically ask about this).
• physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches or feeling ‘unwell’ in general.
• not wanting to go to school or attend usual activities (sports, family/social events, use of public transport.) This could come from a fear of leaving a family member should something happens while at school, or fear of something happening on public transport, or in a specific setting.
• regressive behaviour.
• changes in behaviour with teachers, carers, siblings and parents – becoming more withdrawn, tearful, aggressive or irritable than usual.
• drop in performance at school.

10 Tips for Helping Teens Process Media Reported Trauma

The following ten tips are based upon Save the Children‘s years of experience (as well as other resources), and can be used as a guide for adults supporting young people who are feeling impacted by bad news in the media. (Assistance for teens directly exposed to trauma is best sought from a professional).

The relevancy of different tips will vary depending upon a child’s temperament, previous experience, age and where he or she lives.

1 – Turn off the news!

Watching television reports or scrolling through images on social media may overwhelm tweens and teens. Overexposure to coverage of the events affects adults as well. Encourage screen limits, for a time, for both you and your teens. Process the information as you need to, but do your best to starve your news feed of the detailed stories, and begin again to focus on hope. This is not to ignore the facts, but to give our brains a break. We begin to struggle if we are over-exposed and in a constant state of ‘alarm’.

2 – Listen to your child carefully, before responding

Get a clear picture of what it is that they understand and what is leading to their questions. Emotional stress results, in part, when a young person cannot give meaning to dangerous experiences. Find out what he or she understands about what has happened. Their knowledge will be determined by their age and their previous exposure to negative events in the media. Begin a dialogue to help them gain a basic understanding that is appropriate for their age and respond to their underlying concerns. (Hint – very often an underlying concern can be for personal safety or the safety of loved ones. Teens can become quite fearful about the future and the state of their world).

3 – Give reassurance and ‘psychological first-aid’

Assure them about all that is being done to protect those directly affected by the crisis. Take this opportunity to let them know that if any emergency or crisis should occur, your primary concern will be their safety. Make sure they know they are being protected. Have two or three main steps you can verbalise, to indicate this.

4 – Expect the unexpected

Not every tween or teen will experience these events in the same way. As young people develop, their intellectual, physical and emotional capacities change. Younger children will depend largely on their parents to interpret events, while tweens and teens will get information from a variety of sources – which may not be as reliable.  Older teenagers, because of their greater capacity for understanding, may be more heavily affected by media reporting. While teenagers seem to have more adult capacities to recover as well, they still need extra love, understanding and support to process these events. So be aware that, for some, their more general heightened emotion, moodiness or withdrawal may be a result of what they are trying to process (often they won’t even realise this).

5 – Give your teen extra time and attention in age appropriate ways

Parents, don’t underestimate the power of your own nurturing. Teens, just like younger children, need your close, personal involvement to comprehend that they are safe and secure. Talk, kick a ball, journal, make a hot chocolate, offer a hug and, most importantly, listen to them. Find time to engage in special activities with your teen.

6 – Be a model for your teen

Young people will learn how to deal with these events by seeing how you deal with them. Base the amount of self-disclosure on the emotional and developmental level of each of your children. Explain your feelings but remember to do so calmly. Watch your own behaviour. Make a point of showing sensitivity toward different countries, cultures and people affected by the disaster. This is an opportunity to teach your children that we are all part of one world and that we all need to support each other.

7 – Help your teen return to normal activities

Young people almost always benefit from activity, routine and sociability. Ensure that your child’s school environment is also returning to normal patterns and not spending great amounts of time discussing a world crisis in unhelpful detail.

8 – Encourage your teen to do volunteer work (where possible)

Helping others can give your teen a sense of control, security and empathy. Indeed, in the midst of crisis, adolescents and youth can emerge as active agents of positive change. Perhaps you could encourage your teen to help support local charities that assist those in need.

9 – “Look for the helpers”

Despite the mass media attention to trauma and chaos, we need to remain mindful that there are often only a few evildoers involved in reprehensible incidents. Even in the face of natural disasters, the list of people willing to do good is long. We see every time: people lined up, ready to do anything to help. Point them out to your teens – the local neighbours bringing food and making donations, the kind bus driver comforting a grandma, the police officers, the fire fighters, the animal rescue workers, and so on.

10 – Keep an eye on teens with a history of anxiety / depression

Those with a history of mental health challenges can often be at increased risk when they see bad news in the media. These kids need a little extra patience and reassurance. Perhaps consider asking a school counsellor to chat with your child in the following weeks.

Caring for survivors and their loved ones

For young people directly affected by a crisis (as well as those who have loved ones directly impacted in another area/city), parents should consider counselling, not just for teens, but for the entire family.

Especially important to consider is that after a few weeks have gone by and the news moves on, onlookers tend to get on with their own lives and expect that those affected by the trauma ‘should be over it by now’. In fact, once the initial shock has passed and the reality has set in, it is at this time that nightmares, flashbacks and other symptoms of trauma can occur. This is the time to lean in and draw near to support those affected.

Teachers and parents should be alert to any significant changes in childrens’ eating habits, concentration, emotion/mood, sleeping patterns, nightmares or frequent physical complaints without apparent illness. If present, these will likely subside within a short time, but without appropriate support and care they can become prolonged. I strongly encourage you to seek psychological support and counselling.

Article supplied with thanks to Raising Teenagers

About the Author: Collett Smart is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker and internationally published author. She lives with her husband and 3 children in Sydney, Australia. The heart of Collett’s work is to support and bring Hope to parents of tweens and teens.

Feature image: Canva 

Part of my day job sees me lucky enough to spend time with teens. I have run media literacy seminars for students, in schools around the world, for a number of years now.

Whenever I ask a group of tween or teen boys what they think the main area of body focus is, for boys, they yell out, ‘A six-pack!’ (I’ve even heard 9-year-old boys talking about and trying to compare their six-packs.) This line is the same, whether I am in Zimbabwe, New Zealand, the USA or Australia.

When given the opportunity, a whole lot more gushes out. As if a sudden crack in the wall has given them freedom to leak what’s on their minds – “Boys have body image issues too!”

Our general silence on this leads our boys to believe they are the only ones worrying. Now, they’ve finally been given permission to talk about something they are struggling with. The words come – biceps, jawlines, athletic builds, calf muscles, a broad chest, the triangular body shape, not skinny, but not too muscular, not ‘this’, but ‘that’… The boys laugh out in relief, and nod along in agreement.

Body insecurity is not just limited to our girls

What boys worry about

Boys have body image issues and are more body conscious than we realise. This is not new, but unfortunately boys are far less likely to address their own body image concerns and are more likely to struggle alone. Because body image issues have long been thought of as ‘a girl thing’. Our boys also tend to laugh off criticism or make a joke to cover up painful comments about their bodies. They carry their hurt in secret.

Boys tend to worry about how muscular they are and whether they are too skinny. Yet, when questioned directly about this, boys admit that extreme exercise and dieting are issues for both genders. Us adults are slower to recognise this as a real concern for boys.

What Boys Believe to be ‘Good’ Bodies

A UK survey reported that although most boys say that looking good won’t lead to happiness, many still believe there is a ‘perfect’ body to strive for. For boys, ‘perfect’ means muscly, lean and athletic. Boys also tend to associate muscles with being masculine. The survey also found a general naiveté among boys about when they are being advertised to, particularly through non-traditional methods such as social media. Yet, apart from their friends, this is the source with the highest influence on how boys judge themselves. Social media influences how they dress and what it means to ‘look good’.

The most fascinating aspect, to me, is that although boys say they are aware that media changes images, they tend to believe that the media changes the way women look more than men. Boys are often shocked by how much the male image has been adjusted, when it is pointed out. Some boys acknowledge that the way the media portrays men is unrealistic and unhealthy, but still say it can be inspirational.

“In this day and age, boys are expected to look their best; there is increased societal pressure placed upon them … There has recently been more of an emerging market for items that were originally almost exclusively used by girls, for example cosmetics products, hair serums and sprays, hair straighteners and body hair shavers. There is some evidence that from as young as 4 years, the pressure is being felt by children too, as some are worried about eating too much causing them to ‘get fat’.

This idea is called ‘normative discontent’. Unfortunately, it is widely acknowledged and accepted that most women experience weight dissatisfaction. However normative discontent is now more pervasive for boys as well. This is considered to be due to the strong stereotypes of how people should look.”

Sarah McMahon, psychologist and director of Bodymatters Australasia

How Body Focus Affects Boys

A US study published in 2019 found that 22% of men aged 18-24 reported muscularity-oriented disordered eating. Paediatricians are now raising concerns over the increase in muscle-enhancing behaviours (steroid abuse, binge eating and exercise dependence) in boys in particular. Essentially, there seems to be a disconnect between the actual and desired body size/shape of boys (much like we see in some girls).

We now know that muscle dissatisfaction (in boys) is significantly associated with psychological issues, alcohol and drug use, lower height satisfaction, sedentary lifestyle, poor subjective physical fitness, and lower life satisfaction.

When Should I Be Concerned About Ay Son?

Muscle Dysmorphia (MD) is a type of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). It is often referred to as “Bigorexia” or “Reverse anorexia” in the media and consists of a preoccupation with not being muscular or lean ‘enough’.  Clinical eating disorders and MD are complex issues, with no single cause identified (and beyond the scope of this blog post). It often includes genetic vulnerabilities, psychological factors and socio-cultural influences (social media and traditional advertising are one aspect of this).

Bodymatters Australasia provides clinical guidelines on these.

In Supporting Our Sons, We Might:

1.   Think about how we comment on other people’s body shape, weight or size.

My number one rule: Don’t comment on other people’s bodies – no matter how much or little they have changed. Talk about people’s character.

2.   Notice how we comment on people in the media. Also, what is our own media diet like? e.g. Shows like Love Island celebrate bodies, outward appearances and hook ups as relationship markers. The objectification of men’s bodies is no different to the objectification and sexualisation of women’s. This is part of discussing media literacy to our boys.

3.   Talk to boys about their emotions. Be open about boys’ and men’s insecurities. Ask men in your son’s life to speak about male vulnerabilities, men’s mental health, expressing big emotions in healthy ways, demonstrating courage in non-brawny ways too, showing love…

4.   Notice (out loud) your son’s character – kindness to siblings / grandparents / strangers, courage when facing a difficult decision, helping around the house, apologies he makes. Notice what his body can DO, rather than how it looks. Notice his effort, team work and reaching his own Personal Best in sport / academics / art – not just his winning.

5.  Focus on activities that get them moving, and food that is nutritious (without banning certain foods). For healthy minds and bodies – not for muscle size or shape.

6.   Model body acceptance yourself. It might be time for parents to ask ourselves: How do I regard my own body? What does my child hear me say about my body? How do I talk about food and exercise in our home? When we model self-objectification boys quickly learn that only certain types of bodies are acceptable, and that appearance is what is most valued by their families.

7.   Connect with your son, in ways that are meaningful to him. Let him know he is both love-WORTHY and love-ABLE

8.   Use family gatherings like, meal times, traditions and holidays, to communicate a sense of family and belonging (even if he doesn’t want to talk).

9.   Engage the support of male mentors. Our boys need to be invited to participate in the lives of healthy men. Rites of passage programs (like The Rite Journey) also teach boys that growing up doesn’t just involve growing muscles and genitals. Growing up looks like growing in character.

10.   Encourage everyday activism. Stay in touch with what’s going on in your child’s world. Encourage teens to balance their social media feed by following positive role models, YouTubers and activist movements. Get involved with activist movements yourself. Like; Collective Shout, eChildhood, Beauty Redefined and International Justice Mission. Talk about the work they do, and explain to your sons why they are important in making changes to the body focused world we live in.

One Last Thought

EVERY body is valuable and important and worthy. Parents and adults, be gentle with yourselves. I know that many of us need to unlearn the destructive messages we were taught. As you support your son, learn to accept your own body in the process.

Article supplied with thanks to Raising Teenagers

About the Author: Collett Smart is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker and internationally published author. She lives with her husband and 3 children in Sydney, Australia. The heart of Collett’s work is to support and bring Hope to parents of tweens and teens.

Feature image: Canva